I miss the comfort in being sane.

 

 

Although, depending on the person you asked – I never had any sort of a sanity to loose.

Nirvana is amazing, most of you will not agree. And that’s alright, you have your own opinions. GO YOU! (I swear that wasn’t sarcasm) Something in Kurt Cobain’s voice just screams ‘I have the truth, please, take it’

It’s nice. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for a good bass drop. But its a nice change from the auto tuned world of music.

Alright, so time for a late night revelation. All of you who social network like it’s your job, i recommend you follow Amnesty International. The reasons being self evident and I being too lazy to provide you with further reasoning. JUST DO IT!

Apart from that – I had an interesting chat with a friend lately. Ever been to one of those awful  self help seminars and they ask you to write down on a piece of paper the way you perceive yourself, and then on the backside the way you believe others perceive you. I always struggled with that part. I mean, I’m pretty intuitive, sure. But there is only so much you can get from body language and hand gestures. I mean, life isn’t like an episode of Lie To Me… .. To the point.

Sitting in the bedroom, refusing my stomach of food. He and I spoke at first about careers. Even saying the word to me sounds dreadful, stupid, a bit pointless. Society and the economy have made having a ‘career’ something short of taboo. You can work as hard as you want, chances are, if your like me, you’ll never be happy with the levels you reach. Your job will be unfulfilling or you won’t find a job at all…. Which makes the prospect of being a dirty vaggabond in Rome much more appealing. Pushing off my middle-aged philosophy to anyone who wants to hear.

My career choice, prior to being a writer, was mortuary science. Until I fully understood how much science was actually involved. And the idea of writing became more promising. My friend decided that he wanted to be a psychologist. Wanting to drop out of school and start now, I mean do you really need a degree to listen and give advice? I mean maybe to diagnose, but most are diagnosed wrong anyways…. another round of applause America.

And then the conversation took a strange turn into the way people perceive themselves, and the way society does…Let us look at it this way. Your walking down the street, you see a pretty blonde, scantily clad and her boyfriend who looks as if he could give two shits and a half about what shes saying. What’s the first thing you think of her- of him? Now what if I told you she graduated top of her class? That in reality she had to dumb herself down to even hold a conversation with you? What if I told you her mate, texting away on his expensive phone was trying his hardest to prevent nuclear testing in foreign countries? What happens if we stop judging appearance, the way someone talks, or their racial backround? And what happens when the institution starts to place you neatly in these categories, and we start to find security in them? When the worlds perception’s start to become your actions? Is it the same as living a double life? In result does that make us all liars? Because if so- I must be the biggest one of them all – irrefutably so.

“To be somebody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting” ee cummings 

Now, perhaps I’m just one of those people who expect so much from themselves they tear down the good to keep the humility the strong hold. And if that’s the case, is that really a good thing? Here I am, thinking everyone must think the worst of me. My crappy posture, my stupid optimism (which can be deemed as naievity), the horrible timing to make jokes (which can become increasingly annoying). Here I was thinking I was much more … well, crazy.

“I am much better employed from every point of view, when I live solely for my own satisfaction, than when I begin to worry about the world. The world frightens me, and a frightened man is no good for anything” George Gissing 

Until someone stuck a reality check in my juicebox.. and I drank it.

“You’re pretty philosophical” ” A bit melancholy” ” No, you’re not that funny.” “You can be a bit of a contradiction” “You’re too passive” “You always beat around the bush” “Your like a child” “You act completely different at times”

So should I give into these perceptions? Am I really the things listed above? And if the answer to that question is yes, could there be a simple answer to those reasons? Is it even conceivable to immediate me to someone who’s so provincial, or am I the one who’s biased?

Sad thing, isn’t it. When you know in your mind who you are, and what you want to become. But what you project is taken in a completely different manner.

So, I suppose the point I’m making is, you can talk until your head explodes about how misunderstood you are. But in truth, if you know who you are in your essence, don’t conform. Don’t get glum, chum. Sometimes people will pay more attention to certain things and that’s what the opinion forms from. It’s always going to happen. We’re all a bit ignorant at times. No great person got to where they were based on others opinions and perceptions. Everyone is different, everyone thinks, see’s and understands differently. But it doesn’t always mean its correct.

Be who you are, no holds, no terms and conditions, nothing to validate. Be beautiful.

“All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers, too, though they were often in contradiction and even self- contradictory. I was naive. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself” Ralph Ellison

So, with that off my chest, I bid thee a goodnight. Good day. Whatever your time zone says! I am off to read about faries and the mythical town of Bon Tepms, LA.

Love ALL,

Megs (:

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One thought on “I miss the comfort in being sane.

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  1. Its such as you learn my mind! You seem to understand so much about this, such as you wrote the e book in it or something. I feel that you simply can do with a few % to force the message house a bit, but instead of that, this is magnificent blog. A great read. I will definitely be back.

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