We Live in A Model World. Who Really Eats Anymore?

April 24, 2012

It seems like just yesterday was the New Year or Christmas Eve…

Today will be remembered because It will be impossible to be forgotten. Because when such feelings occur and your mind blocks them out, their gone. Until their re-awoken. But when there blogged, their forever.

Sometimes It’s uncomfortable for me seeing old friends. When you can tell that the common ground is gone, and the whole atmosphere seems to shift. I’ve changed. I can’t fake a smile anymore. It hurts my cheeks.

Elevators are dangerous things. You can’t leave them until they are done with you. Quite like life in some ways. You can chose an indirect stop in an elevator. You can take a different direction in life. But the destination is always the same. Fate leaves little to be chanced, i s’pose.

I love you‘ It’s what I love to hear and what I can’t stand hearing. And when you can’t escape it. The word makes me want to run, and I’m damn good at running….. When the context of the words makes it take on a new meaning. When you’re seen as so lonely and helpless one has nothing else to say to you but something so extreme as ‘I love you‘. But I said it back. My voice sounded off, I hope she didn’t notice.

I don’t really understand much about the common balance between a man and a woman. Basic communication has become somewhat otherwise, somewhat taboo. A text message. I miss your face. The expressions were so lovely.

The true key to moving on isn’t to say you don’t care. Your wrong. The key to forgetting is indifference, I have a long way to go. But I’m a wonderful actress.

Don’t think with your heart, feel with it. The heart is like the gateway to intuition and the non refundable ticked to an over-analyzed hell…..

Drugs aren’t gateways … it’s like a permanent looking glass. And I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I am a really strange individual…. I’d commit me, hell … “He doesn’t care I have a Las Vegas past, he doesn’t mind I have an LA crass way about me, he loves me. With every beat of his cocaine heart…”

Giving yourself to people completely is a terribly hard thing to break away from. When you form emotional attatchments so deeply you can feel the other person…. like a musical wavelegnth that only you two can understand, this is wrong. You should always keep a piece of yourself for yourself. Unless, it can be said that we in fact cause more complications. And when your there, on that landing, when just a simple sentence said without thinking. A reaction or a statement stemmed from too much confidence… when that hurts you. When your stuck with the realization that everyone leaves, everyone disappoints you. And you either develop thick skin or become a self depricating twit and blog it ….

Nothing about life is different. Everything is the same. Everything rebirths and repeat. The tree will burn and the soil will turn and a new community will start. So why? When your questions gives you terrible answers, unless love is said to cure all? If you can register love…

I like to sift through my sentences once I’ve said them. Verbs, nouns, interjections … He made fun of them.. So I stopped

You know… I used to have such an empathetic pity for those girls who had so much potential, as habitual as the expression is, yet they wasted their time and their adulation on men who didn’t deserve it. The one’s who prey after women who lack something in their psyche… Whether its the usual confidence, backbone.. or just brains in general. I fell for one. Habits and all…. And what did that say about me? What is it that I’m lacking… or would it make me just as horrible of a species to say I was just simply bored. Mundane never sits still.

I don’t care much for teas, its the weenie sorts of caffine.

But… I’ve been slacking up on playlisting… For some reason, no matter what the occasion was, where I was or who I was there with ….

“And she saw him, and her heart was heavy, and her mouth was try and she couldn’t think. Impulse reactions never appealed to her altruistic ways of thinking. Instead she chose a song, a lyric in specific. And she modeled herself after it, she told herself to become these words. And she did… I haven’t asked myself If I regret it or not…..” (Does it make me a douche crumpet to refer to myself 3rd person in writing?)

these songs … I think this may be my favorite listing yet… you know my redundancy policy, right?

1. A Perfect Circle. Stranger

2. Birdy. Skinny Love

3. Ry Cumming. Home

4. Damien Rice. 9 Crimes

5. Frank Ocean. Thinking About You

6. Childish Gambino. Heartbeat

7. David Gray. Kathleen

8. Mika. Any Other World

9. Gossip. Dimestore Diamond

10. Staind. Epiphany/Something To Remind You

11. St. Vincent. Cruel

12. Zoe Keating. Legions (War)

13. Justice. Genesis

14. Manchester Orchestra. Pale Black Eye

15. Antony & The Johnsons. Man Is The Baby

16. Lana Del Rey. Without You

17. Sia. I’m In Here (We Are Born)

18. Seabird. Not Alone

19. Trifonic. Sooner Or Later/ Lies

20. Bon Iver. Love More

21. Arcade Fire. Haiti

22. Soley. Pretty Face

23. The National. England/ Afraid Of Everyone

24. Cocteau Twins. Alice

25. Bjork. All Is Full Of Love

Love ALL,



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