Oh dear Junebug

So today is the most hectic high-strung day… And yet my brain decides to take it on in this sort of high haze… It’s really interesting.

So my friend texted and needed wisdom and then I thought, who do I go to and then I was like oh yeah… I have a problem with sharing…

Thanks, Barney. You could’ve spent a few more episodes on that, we all know how to cross a street….

And in the midst of all this, while I’m buried knee high in my own train of thought, I’m like…

So I’ve been seeing all of these quotes, signs of you will. Nature, passing, the blink of an image
For example.. This is my horoscope for today:

It is no good hiding your real feelings behind a mask of indifference or even cynicism. The current celestial energy encourages you to take time to reflect on what you really need to say and how you are going to say it. If you try and disguise certain aspects of the truth, then you may not get the same results as if you tell it like it is.

I’m fo seriously getting trolled… sigh

I feel so worn, like a hand me down that’s in desperate need of an upgrade. It’s like I was born damaged, I’m never going to run right… I don’t think right….

Is this what it feels like to have separation issues? But what if you never fit in? What If there is no such thing?

I missed this whole Venus transition … It didn’t bother me as much as I thought… Hmm.

Sometimes I get sick of personalities, it’s a horrible thing to say… And I’m very aware. But I don’t think people get my need for silences, at least when ive clearly checked out, and it isn’t you I want to talk to… The over-thinkers who don’t feel but rationalize, the outgoing who never shut up talking and questioning me, the innocent who give me judging stares. Of maybe the thing is I’m tired of personalities I have to try with…. I get we’re all different, I get how opposites attract… But attraction doesn’t keep you together…

I wonder sometimes where and who I’ll be ten years from now… You know how people constantly change? I tend to stay the same… But I get more silent, if that’s possible. Much more of a wall, an observer than an actual character… I wonder if I’ll have moved in a cave by then. It’s so much more easier to still believe in humanity and give the benefit of the doubt if I’m detached, it’s like an outer body thing, where you view the situations from third party …. Waaaay somewhere up there over the rainbow
It does hurt though, I mean you can only stop responding so much before people start to blame themselves, or just get tired of it. And I do care… I think thats my problem. I like bipolarize my feelings, it’s like an intense case of empathy, when I’m sensitive I’m hypersensitive, I care more than comprehensible or mimicable …. :/

I do wonder if that makes me unapproachable? Intimidating? And yet I feel strangely indifferent on that… I’m not the gutsy type to approach first of just speak my mind… So what if I want to talk to someone who’s afraid? But at the same time, the more limited the list, the less you care, meaning the less faith you put in only to leave with doubt and complexes …. I hate my brain shutthehellup

Sometimes in glad my laundry is in the hamper and my closet door is padlocked… I think it’d scare people away

Sometimes in glad in mysterious and no one can read my mind… I think they’d either be manically depressed (depending on how deep you are) or really confused… Or both… Tehe

Skeletons, hawk and water….

Haha I’ve found myself looking in the mirror before work and quoting Albus Dumbledore …. My point to why I WILL find happiness is now moot. Haha

And yet, strangely… Im sincerely optimistic

Life is beautiful, and sensual and intoxicating.
I mean have you ever noticed how romanced life actually is? Nature? Lying in the grass and staring at the stars, it’s like you can feel the hands touching you… Everything is just so secretly erotic. Textures, colors, buildings.. The trimmings scream seductive

There’s wonder everywhere, in the smallest most seemingly meaningless places…

Drink it up!

It’s the only thing now that’s actually free,

Meghan

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