You know the one thing that scares me the most? Its not spiders, or snakes or whatever creeper is hiding under the bed.

What literally scares me so much I can’t sleep at night.

Is being happy.

Its a strange masochistic explanation …. But the way I see it is.. life acts in this huge circumlocution. Which is why history repeats itself, or we have weird bouts of Deja Vu. But nothing can get off balance. You have to have a Yin and a Yang. If, lets say,  your doing well in your finances and health then your love life and friendships are going to suffer. Visa versa. You have to give up something to compliment the other.

And because of it.. I literally fear anything good happening to me. Because in the back of my mind all I can seem to think about is how something is going to happen to ruin it. It may not even be in the same day. It could be two days from then.

And its better, wiser, I think. To keep myself in this sort of zombie like state of pessimism. Because If I expect the worst, I won’t be hurt when I get it.

Life is so much more predictable when you look at it that way. I’m having a good day in my love life but I’m broke as shit. Next week I’ll be confused and lonely but murdering Victoria Secret.

Sometimes I think there’s something wrong with me and its my fault. I’m selfish and egotistical to want everything to be okay. I need to get over myself.

Nothing is ever simple with me. I feel like if my life were a movie it would be severely entertaining. I get the most complicated things that leave me emotionally and mentally drained constantly. And yet I open my arms to more, I welcome it. Even things that aren’t mine. But I guess that mean’s I’m strong enough to handle it. I question it. Albeit, I’m sure everyone does.

Life has made me calloused. And careful. Prideful and yet I’m living in this unrealistic world I’ve created in my head of life and hope and love. Maybe I just wasn’t properly socialized as a child.

I should be happy. I’ve got so much to be thankful for. And yet like the ungreatful child I am. By not having the one thing I want the most…. It’s pathetic. I’m so rigid. And so damn stubborn.

We are all our own devil. And we make this world our hell.

I wonder what it feels like to transcend our bodies? To not think mainstream, be mainstream. But to live in vibrant colors. To walk and create creation? This world, this habitual unoriginal is draining me. There’s got to be more than this?

Because I’m banking on it, I can’t be this miserable continually and there not be something better out there.

Reincarnation whatever. Just let me come back as a star, surrounded by billions of cosmos, the green and blue illumination. Never alone. Or a pebble in a stream. Just waxing and waning.

There’s such a beautiful strength to women. All women. It inspires and bewilders me. There’s a compassion and a hate thats so real. That’s felt so deep. I feel like I lack the basics in my genetics. Really I’m not normal.

I could literally listen to M83 Too Late.. on repeat.. with the rain.. for ever. Never move, just in this trance watching the world go by like in those cheaply made Coldplay videos. No offense. 

Anyways, we all know I am extremely cryptic due to my love of privacy. But this is the closest look into me your going to get. However, I dare to say it lends more than actually telling my life story:

Personality is the particular combination of emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral response patterns of an individual. Different personality theorists present their own definitions of the word based on their theoretical positions. Psychologists such as Freud, and Erickson have attempted to come up with personality theories.

Women and men aren’t as different as you might think: A review of dozens of studies found that men and women are basically alike when it comes to personality, thinking ability and leadership. The differences that do exist may reflect social expectations, not biology. Despite this evidence, the media continue to spread the idea that the sexes are fundamentally different — with real-life consequences. Parents who believe that boys outdo girls in math, for instance, may have lower expectations and overlook mathematically talented daughters.

Introvert(33%)  iNtuitive(44%)  Feeling(25%)  Judging(33%)
  • You have moderate preference of Introversion over Extraversion (33%)
  • You have moderate preference of Intuition over Sensing (44%)
  • You have moderate preference of Feeling over Thinking (25%)
  • You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (33%)

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists — INFJs gravitate toward such a role — are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of ‘poetic justice’ is appealing to the INFJ.

“There’s something rotten in Denmark.” Accurately suspicious about others’ motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately.

Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Functional Analysis:

Introverted iNtuition

Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and “live in the here and now” of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking

The INFJ’s thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ’s thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing

INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ’s arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the “SP wannabe” side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it’s not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

does that confuse anyone else or is it just me?…..



Your greatest challenge is… trusting and sharing with others The way forward is… to understand that everything in life, including relationships, involves a certain amount of risk-taking. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith. You’re drawn to people born on… November 22 to December 21 If you can both learn to be less secretive, open up and share, this relationship has great potential for happiness. Luck maker Let go of hidden resentments Hidden resentments poison your thoughts, keep you stuck in the past and attract bad luck your way. Letting go or forgiving, however, has the opposite effect, channeling your energy into attracting luck. Although they are energetic and strong willed, it’s very hard to know what people born on December 21 are really thinking and feeling as they are by nature secretive. They prefer to express themselves with actions rather than words, and their powerful, silent presence can be inscrutable even to those closest to them. Even though they might be a mystery to others, this does not mean they are reserved or passive. Quite the opposite; they are determined to achieve their goals and get their point across. It is just that instead of an exchange of opinions they usually prefer to push ahead regardless of what others are saying or thinking. If this means there will be battles along the way, so be it. In fact, their presence can be intimidating not just because others never know what to expect from them but because when they do lash out their few carefully chosen words can be harsh and cutting. Others may therefore feel that they can never relax around them because they are like a dormant volcano, quiet on the outside but with a burning intensity on the inside. Despite sometimes appearing menacing or brooding, they are surprisingly insecure, although they would never allow others to know this. It’s this insecurity, however, which forces them to be defensive, to nurture hidden resentments against those that cross them and, above all, to crave the admiration and respect of others. They should understand that they already have the admiration of others, but what they really need is their affection; this can only be earned when they learn to trust and share their feelings. Around the age of thirty-two there will be a turning point when there are opportunities for them to focus less on proving themselves and more on finding their place within society. If they can take advantage of these opportunities and learn to open their minds to alternative viewpoints and their hearts to the magical potential within them and others, they will not only discover the secret of their happiness but the secret of everyone else’s too. On the dark side Domineering, inflexible, selfinvolved At your best Strongwilled, authoritative, intriguing Love A feisty partner People born on December 21 are attractive but also slightly unsettling for potential partners. This is because they like to do their own thing but won’t allow others to do theirs. If things aren’t perfect for them they will withdraw or move on without explanation or discussion. A feisty partner who isn’t intimidated by them would help them find happiness. Health Open up and share People born on this day can suffer from tension and mental overload, so solitude is vital for them to quiet and calm their mind. They need to be careful, though, not to go overboard in their need for space and quiet, because too much time spent alone is not good for them. They may find that the best way to deal with tension is to spend more time with friends and loved ones. Counseling or therapy is advised if they find it very hard to open up and share. As far as diet is concerned, they need to watch their intake of sweet and fatty foods because weight gain, particularly around the middle, can be a problem. Caffeine and alcohol should also be limited and, if they smoke, they are advised to quit immediately to reduce the risk of heart disease. Vigorous exercise, preferably of the social kind such as dancing, aerobics or team sports, is recommended. Wearing, meditating on and surrounding themselves with the color orange will encourage them to be more spontaneous and expressive, as will carrying a turquoise crystal. Career Born entrepreneurs These people may often be found dominating in a variety of careers in the fields of science, business, sports, arts, and the world of entertainment. They typically rise to management level, but may also work for themselves and become high-flying entrepreneurs. Destiny To become the pioneers and leaders in their chosen field The life path of people born on this day is to recognize the power of positive thinking. Once they have understood that they are in charge of who or what they attract into their lives, their destiny is to combine their authority and decisiveness with compassion and flexibility, becoming outstanding leaders in their chosen field. Power Thought “Whatever the question, I know that love is the answer” December 21 Signs & symbols Sun signs: Sagittarius/Capricorn Ruling planets: Jupiter, the philosopher/Saturn, the teacher Symbols: The Archer/The Goat Birth date ruler: Jupiter, the philosopher Tarot card: The World (fulfillment) Favorable numbers: 3, 6 Lucky day: Thursday, especially when it falls on 3 and 6 of the month Lucky colors: Purple, blue, white Birthstone: Turquoise


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