Karma is a MOTHER!

It’s strange to think where I was a year ago today. And where I am now. Who I was a year ago, who my friends where a year ago. And I can honestly say I miss it. I’ve never been one to live in the past, always for the future… But nostalgia is kicking my ass right now.

If I could go back in time and have a conversation with myself, tell me all of the idiotic decisions I was going to make. The people I was going to be around. I’d laugh in her face and tell her she was insane. I knew myself better than that.

Guess I didnt…

Everything I did within that year that’s led to today. It feels like its been longer than just a year.

My week from hell is seriously giving me a complex.. Like where is this bad karma coming from? I just don’t get it!

Or maybe I’ve already used up my allotted years of luck and this is just reality. And reality is shit.

A year ago, I had three things that changed my perception. This year, on this date. That picture, song and movie has changed.

Look below: 

MOVIE!

Mr. Nobody 

70 percent on the times, in most cases, we’ve already met the person were going to marry. And i sit and picture out what my life would be, depending on each different direction and person I choose. It’s strange how different you’ll be with each one. This movie, this brilliantly written movie, captures everything I fear and wish and want. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to relate to a fictional character quite so well… PLEASE! If you have any free time on your hands, watch this. It’s even on YouTube. I guarantee you, you wont regret it. Here’s a little synopsis.

In the year 2092, Nemo Nobody is a 118-year-old man, the last mortal on Earth. Humanity has conquered mortality through an endless renewal ofcells, and the world now watches in fascination as Mr. Nobody edges towards death. Everyone wants to know the life that he has lived. Nemo himself says that he remembers nothing about his past and a psychiatrist, Dr. Feldheim, tries to make him recall memories through hypnosis; other memories are told to a journalist. Nemo spits out contradictory pieces as he is prodded, and no one is sure what happened and what didn’t. He is less than clear, often thinking that he is only 34 years old. He tells of his life at three primary points in his life: at age nine, when his parents get divorced; at age fifteen, when he fell in love; and at age thirty-four, living his adulthood – all three unravelled into many other realities in a nonlinear narrative.

At the beginning of the story it’s explained that before birth, children remember everything that will happen in their lives, but at the moment of conception, the Angels of Oblivion make them forget everything. Eventually, the Angels forget about Nemo. Now the boy first has to choose his parents. At age 9, his second choice happens when they divorce, and he has to decide with whom he will live. At a railway station, his mother leaves on a train, while his father stays. In one case he runs to reach the train and his mother manages to pull him in, in another he stays with his father.

Life with mother

Nemo lives with his mother and her new partner, Harry, and does not get along with him. He behaves in a rebellious way, saying he can predict the future. He meets the daughter of his mother’s boyfriend, Anna. Nemo is sitting on the beach, Anna runs to him and asks him to swim with her and her friends. In one case, Nemo answers “They’re idiots. I don’t go swimming with idiots.” He regrets those words all his life, and many years later, he meets Anna at the station with her two children, they engage in an awkward conversation and then part again.

In a second storyline, he tells her he cannot swim, and she stays with him on the beach. They get to know each other and she becomes Nemo’s first love. They are happy together, but when Harry and Nemo’s mother break up, Anna has to go to New York with her father, and they lose touch. Years later, Nemo works as a pool cleaner and hopes to meet Anna again. They meet each other at a train station and immediately recognize each other in a crowd of passers-by. After so many years, Anna is not ready to immediately resume the relationship and asks Nemo to wait. She asks him to call her in two days and meet at the lighthouse, but the slip of paper on which she wrote her number gets wet in a sudden downpour and becomes unreadable. Nemo keeps waiting at the lighthouse everyday but Anna does not come.

Life with father

Nemo stays with his father who later becomes disabled. Nemo takes care of him, becoming uncommunicative. He works in a shop and spends his free time at home at the typewriter, writing afantasy story about a journey to Mars. At a school dance, he meets Elise and falls in love with her. Few days later, Nemo goes to Elise’s house and sees her with her 22-year-old boyfriend and leaves. Frustrated, he speeds with his motorcycle on a forest road, until he skids on a wet leaf, hits a tree and is hospitalized in a state of paralysis. He can feel, smell and hear, and he can see light through closed eyelids, but he cannot move. Nemo tries to remember the movement of his fingers on the typewriter keyboard, and in the last scene of this storyline, he manages to lift a finger.

In yet another alternate timeline, Nemo speaks with Elise at her house, but she rejects him saying she loves another man, Stefano. But in this instance Nemo doesn’t back down. He keeps assuring her of his feelings. Finally Elise gives in and, a few years later, they finally get married. In one version of the storyline, Elise dies in an accident on the return from the wedding. Nemo keeps her ashes, having promised her to spread them on Mars. After doing so, aboard the giant sleeper spacecraft about to begin its long journey back to Earth, he meets Anna, but before they can even say much to each other, the ship is then destroyed in an exceedingly abrupt, and extremely unlikely, encounter with a swarm of asteroids that seems to materialize from out of nowhere. In a different version of the storyline, Nemo does not fly to Mars. He works at a television studio narrating educational videos, and while returning home one evening, he loses control of the car after hitting a bird and plummets into a lake. Another storyline has Nemo and Elise married with three children. Their marriage is very unhappy because Elise suffers from borderline personality disorder. She has attacks of hysteria, and despite Nemo’s attempts to save their marriage, in the end Elise leaves him.

So now, then, after the younger Elise rejects the teenaged Nemo, he goes home and tells his father that he’ll marry the first girl who will dance with him at the school prom. That night he meets Jeanne. They dance, and while taking her home on his motorcycle, Nemo makes what he later describes as a lot of silly decisions. Despite having succeeded in following his plans, Nemo is unhappy, and his life is boring and unpleasant. Nemo starts relying on the flipping of a coin to make decisions. At the airport, he pretends to a waiting chauffeur to be a passenger named Daniel Jones, and when he gets to his hotel room, he is murdered by mistake whilst taking a bath, and his body is dumped in the woods.

In another storyline, the adult Nemo awakens in a strange world dominated by argyle patterns. Following instructions that he finds around the city, he traces it back to a crumbling abandoned house. There he stumbles upon a dusty and strangely modern digital video disc player that is hooked up to a plasma television screen. By means of the strangely interactive video, 118 year-old Nemo actually converses with him and explains to him that he, the much younger man, doesn’t exist.

Epilogue

Before his death, Mr. Nobody tells the journalist that they both don’t exist; they are in the mind of Nemo as a boy, when he is being forced to make an impossible choice. The journalist is then seen looking out of a train window at 9 year-old Nemo as he just misses catching hold of his mother’s hand. The implication is that Nemo made use of that unknown man’s face in one of his imaginary projections into his own distant future. Back at the railway station one final time, Nemo creates a third and totally unexpected choice for himself; he abandons both parents and takes another way out of the dilemma by running away from the tracks in a perpendicular line towards an unknown future. He ends up as the adult Nemo sleeping on a bench by the lighthouse and waiting for Anna’s return. There is, eventually, an ecstatically joyful reunion between them where the two lovingly embrace. At the precise moment Mr. Nobody dies of old age, the expansion of the universe comes to a halt and time reverses itself. The imaginary 118 year-old man then cackles triumphantly as he springs back into awareness with the realization that his younger self has finally found his one true love and life.

PICTURE

I won’t explain why I like this so much. Because it’s impossible to try and put it in a way thats cohesive and easy to understand. It just is. I just do.

SONG

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oQ8KGUJ6KM

I was always the kid in highschool that had in headphones during class, listening to rock songs wishing I was somewhere in a trashy bar shooting pool and drinking beer with some tatted up guy who drives a black Harley. This band brings back those days, when I was so hopeful and rebellious and free.

And even after all of these years, still another song that I cant relate to. Something to make me hope and be okay to be lost.

I don’t know anymore. There comes a time when you really just cant take another blow. Call it growing pains..But I’ve been through so much more than what the average 21 year old woman should have had to. I guess its finally catching up to me…

A year..  I sold my soul, my heart, and my dreams.

So much… changes in a year. Wow.

I’m going to go and paint. Listen to this song, let the colors speak for me… who know’s what I’ll end up with. Maybe that’s the beauty in it all… Never knowing the end. Being able to be completely in control of that end…

Saturday come faster…

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